Cento Patchwork Poem (also a Found Poem)

June 18, 2013

From Latin- A cloak made of patches, or patchwork poem. A cento is a poetical work wholly composed of verses or passages taken from other authors; only disposed in a new form or order.

Years after my husband and I began dating, and attending wine food pairing dinners parties, sometimes my own events as a chef I would overhear (because I myself did not drink while working) women in the bathroom say the most amusing stuff. Of course you have to imagine these lines slurred somewhat, but hubs found it amusing and began asking me what unusual things I heard when I returned home, and we would giggle- I also could tell a few stories about our own over indulgences. This title is out of creative endeavor not hate. This is still in a draft state, but with some order of my notes on napkins and a small pad I would carry.-

Drunk Betchez Talking In Public Bathrooms

Standing In Line-

I have to pee so bad I’m going to explode. I might have to go right here!
OMG did someone fart; it literally smells like ass in here
Whose taking so long in that back stale, let’s throw the bitch out!
And make sure I don’t tweet. I already tweet too much shit.
The guys are so DAMN cute tonight I could take’em all home. Which one should I take home? Do you think the guy buying us drinks is cute. I can’t believe we haven’t spent a penny tonight. Who’s buying us drinks?
Do I sound like a slut?
Do you think we will be married by the time we’re thirty?
Girl you sure got the moves on the dance floor. Drop it like it’s hot girl!
Does this outfit make me look fat, because I think you look f’ing good in your outfit. You always look good when we go out. I have no taste. Let’s go shopping together.
Can you believe I’ve had ten shots in the last hour? We are drunk aren’t we? I love youuuuu!
My feet are KILLING me. God I want to take my shoes off. Should I take them off?
I’m going to take them off if we stand here any longer.

Conversation stale to stale-

There’s no toilet paper in here, can I have a few squares?
Can you believe that bitch at the table?
Do you squat or sit?
I want to be horizontal right now.
I’m taking my underwear off. Do you have room in your purse?
I can’t believe he had the nerve to show up. He’s such a liar!
His sister fucked my boyfriend.
I want to lose ten pounds in the next few days. Drinking makes me bloated.
I’m gonna flirt with that guy to make him jealous!
Am I acting clingy? Should we have a signal for it once I do? I want to text him (the ex).
(bangs on stale wall) Are you still in there bitch? I love my bitches. My ex can eat me!
I swear if I see his new girlfriend in this club I am going to fuck her up!

Conversation between strangers meeting for the first time in toilet-

God I’m so glad I met you!
I don’t usually tell people this stuff.
I don’t usually say this stuff a lot, but I’m so glad we met.
Did you see her tits falling out of that dress? Yours implants look better.
Do you have lipstick I can use? I think I lost mine on the dance floor.
Do you think I look good?
If I was gay I would do you.
Want to see my new tattoo? Here help me pull my shirt up.
I always wanted a tattoo here (she pulls shirt up over bra and points)
I’m not even drunk, how am I not even drunk?
You should facebook me.

Standing In Front of Mirrors (some do not wash their hands)-

My hair is messed up (putting on lipstick and running hands through hair)
Oh shit, where’s my purse, oh it’s under my arm (snort laughs)
That bitch won’t stop talking at the table, should we kick her ass bitch?
OMG can you see the sweat marks under my pits?
Are you sure I look okay, I feel so fat.
OMG I’m so hungry I could eat a horse. No I shouldn’t eat a damn thing; I’m on a no carb diet. Let’s order pizza when we get home.
I wished Taco Bell delivered.
OMG! Do you hear that? We gotta get out my songs on!!
Should we do some more shots before we leave?
(one more look at the mirror before walks away) OMG we should make a pact not too look in mirrors ever again. What am I wearing?

And at least one always walks out with toilet paper stuck on her high heel pumps, or has her skirt stuck in the underwear…


(This also maybe a good argument for some to stop drinking all together!)


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